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Name: AKA
Home: Toronto, Ontario (in Australia until April 2009), Canada
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I don't know what it is about being here but I suddenly feel quiet old. And boderline desperate? I'm here for two years and I have this heavy feeling that when I arrive back home after finishing my degree, people at home will have moved on and settled into their own lives while I am still trying to find one.
I know that I'm here to do something good, and everyone is proud of me, but I can't help but feel a little lost. It doesn't help that many of the people here are 18 or so, just out high school and entering unversity to complete a LLB degree, while me, Miss Post-Graduate is in the "mature student" category.
Anyone who knows me that "mature" is the last label that I'd have attached to me. On that same note, people who do know me tend to think I'm a super-confident, brainy girl which I can't see myself being. I did take this big step and move here, and maybe I'm weird, but I didn't see that as monumental as entering my mid-20s. I'm hoplessly spiralling back into in a quarter-life crisis...
A friend told me I have to quit complaining because I was in Australia - to which I replied that Customs here didn't confiscate my right to feel sorry for myself and I didn't think I was exactly breaking a local law. Maybe I have problem with self-sorry-feeling, or maybe I'm just like everyone else. Why can't I just wallow in the yucky feeling sometimes? I have a right to wallow and wallow I shall.
I have no idea where I was going with this post but I did start out with a point...which has slowly seeped to the back of my mind. VDG is adamant on moving off campus next term and taking me with her. I have no clue what I want. Nothing new...I've always been indecisive and easy going to the point that sometimes I just don't know what was my decision and what was someone elses.
Maybe homesickness is starting to set in - it's been exactly a week since my family left and that I've been on campus. No matter how many lovely new people you meet, it doesn't substitute for family and friends back home right? Again, "friend" says that sure they miss me too, but that I'm in Australia, so I'm very lucky and shouldn't feel this way. Needless to say "friend" is now a blocked entity on MSN.
And I'm out of peanut butter...*sigh*
I know that I'm here to do something good, and everyone is proud of me, but I can't help but feel a little lost. It doesn't help that many of the people here are 18 or so, just out high school and entering unversity to complete a LLB degree, while me, Miss Post-Graduate is in the "mature student" category.
Anyone who knows me that "mature" is the last label that I'd have attached to me. On that same note, people who do know me tend to think I'm a super-confident, brainy girl which I can't see myself being. I did take this big step and move here, and maybe I'm weird, but I didn't see that as monumental as entering my mid-20s. I'm hoplessly spiralling back into in a quarter-life crisis...
A friend told me I have to quit complaining because I was in Australia - to which I replied that Customs here didn't confiscate my right to feel sorry for myself and I didn't think I was exactly breaking a local law. Maybe I have problem with self-sorry-feeling, or maybe I'm just like everyone else. Why can't I just wallow in the yucky feeling sometimes? I have a right to wallow and wallow I shall.
I have no idea where I was going with this post but I did start out with a point...which has slowly seeped to the back of my mind. VDG is adamant on moving off campus next term and taking me with her. I have no clue what I want. Nothing new...I've always been indecisive and easy going to the point that sometimes I just don't know what was my decision and what was someone elses.
Maybe homesickness is starting to set in - it's been exactly a week since my family left and that I've been on campus. No matter how many lovely new people you meet, it doesn't substitute for family and friends back home right? Again, "friend" says that sure they miss me too, but that I'm in Australia, so I'm very lucky and shouldn't feel this way. Needless to say "friend" is now a blocked entity on MSN.
And I'm out of peanut butter...*sigh*
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I'm sure that 'lost' feeling will disappear once school starts and you become too busy to even think! Btw, when exactly do your classes start? September? Australia is so far away I don't even know if they follow the same school year as us... but I'm quite certain they sell peanut butter :D
BTW here's something to munch over - we have a mutual friend hehe! I was looking over said friend's picture and then asked her (naturally) "wow who is this pretty girl?"
and she goes "oh this is so-and-so" and I go "So-and-So?" she goes "Ya!"
Now you know! :-D
'liya - I actually started classes last week, but only had a couple lecture - and you know how it is with first week of uni, nothing really important. They do sell peanut butter lol, but I'm totally out and haven't haven't been able to get down to a grocery store yet :P
Haleem - That's what I'm looking forward to now - the first trip back home in August! Things are settling in for me. I've got a good group of friends but since my family only left a week ago, I'm starting to miss them. And mom's cooking...!
Now you've got me all curious...who is the mystery mutual friend? I mean it should be obvious from how you described her as the girl who says "so-and-so", but I can't remember any friend who says that :P
And there are (or should be..!) very few people who have pictures of me because I hate having my picture taken (though I take many of my own) so I won't sit still for them all too often. Hmm...the mystery grows...
And I think its natural to miss your family, but just think of how proudly they must be telling people about their daughter who is studying Law in Australia.
And NO NO moving in with VDG, NO AKA I beg of you. Living with her will make you nuts, or into another version of her. And frankly as much as I'd enjoy your post on cost-to-cost comparison of Australian peanut butter vs. Canadian, I don't think it's best for you.
Anyways, thats a LONG comment. Best of luck this term from a (soon-to-be) fellow law student!
It'll all come together before you know it. You've taken a huge leap, one that a lot of people would never be able to make. You should be proud of yourself.
Do NOT move in with nutsy. That girl is crazy and living with her will either drive you crazy or turn you into a version of her. We can't have that.