I am now convinced that machines or electronics do not like me. That's right - somehow they have communicated with each other and formed a strong solidarity against me and my any attempt to remain at peace with them. If there ever were such machines as the ones in "War of the Worlds" - I'd be the first person they'd track down and obliterate.

There was my camera, which after falling in the sand on the beach for a MICRO-MILLISECOND decides to make a strange grinding/screeching/whining sound when I turn it on, after which it shuts off on its own. My cell phone thinks it would be kinda amusing to see what happens when it doesn't display missed calls - just so people who call think I'm not returning their calls on purpose. Then of course, the vending machine. Now, my printer is on the fritz and decided that about 20 minutes before my paper was due that it would just simply not work. No refusal to turn on. No noise. No flashing lights. Just. Won't. Print.

Yes I know I shouldn't have waited until the last minute, but this is the situation the whole class was in - because we couldn't figure out what the case, let alone the question about it, was about until the night before it was due.

So imagine yourself in this situation. It being about 3:41pm, essay being due at 4:00pm in the library drop box (which is a 5 minute speedwalk from your residence) and your printer is apathetic about doing it work. There's a series of reactions you would go through.

Blink once - "noooo....it can't be..?"
Take a deep breath of air - "oh pleasepleasepleasepleasepleeeeeease" - try the ever-popular "turn printer off and then on again" method. Still nothing.
"OH YOU HAVE GO TO BE KIDDING ME YOU STUPID PIECE OF $&@*(&)*U&)@*~!!!"
*BANG* "WORK DAMN YOU, WORK!!!!!!"

By this time it's about 3:46:37pm. Your spine is frozen from the sheer terror of having to turn in this paper late (which you put your blood, sweat and endless tears into). Still being in your pajamas you blindly grab at pieces of clothing in your closet, rip the cords from your laptop out and jam it into your backpack. Of course it is only logical that at this precise moment you also cannot find your keys that you need to lock your room because you've heard there was a theft on the floor above.

You run around your room throwing clothes and paper around trying to find the two keys attached by one lone yellow plastic keychain tag that just has your room number on it (which of course would be so helpful for any thief who could find them to know exactly which room to go to). And this is right after you removed that long BRIGHT coloured lanyard that you had on the keys because your keys were just getting too bulky, but which made them easier to spot.

Aaaand right after you think an eternity has passed, meaning just about 2 minutes, you find them behind the box of crackers you had been munching on all night to keep yourself sustained.

Grabbing the keys your run like a woman (or man) possessed out the door, managing to get your jacket caught in the door in the process. Down the steps, past the people trying to say "hello" to you and across the campus (of course, you did not get the residence that was next to the library).

Arriving at 3:55:49pm disheveled and and fear-ridden you open your laptop, try connecting to the wireless internet from your laptop...which takes longer than ever before to connect. Eventually it connect, you pull up your precious document, and click print send the print-job to the nearby printer.

Blood drains from your face when you think you've forgotten your student ID card that has money on it for your printing. A quick pat down reveals you did indeed stuff it into your jean pocket while searching for the keys.

You look up at the library full of people with 'triumph' written on your face. Then look over at the printer, ready to run over - there are 3 people lined up. 3:58:02pm.

You briefly consider yelling "FIRE!!!" to empty the place out, but refrain - it just may be frowned upon.

OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE OF THE GIRLS WAS JUST STANDING THERE WITH HER FRIEND!!!! Whhyyyyy stand there and give the impression to poor, unsuspecting printer-wanters that you too are a printer-awaiter?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY WOMAN!?!?

You run up to the printer after the person in front of you steps away, swipe your card and click frantically. Thankfully the printer-gods have seemed to forgiven you because the printer spits out all your pages effortlessly. You grab the sheets, run walk briskly to the circulation desk, staple - wait, stapler broken, staple with Stapler #2 - and jam it into the drop box.

3:59:49pm.

Piece of cake.

Labels: university life