Recently, a friend of my mom's decided it was her duty to point out my age and marital status in a gathering of Indian family friends for a dinner party.

Now, as some may know, in these family parties there comes to be 4 subsections to the general party. First, there's the Ladies' (aka The Aunties) section, which tends to be in whichever room is closes to the kitchen where the hostess is buzzing about warming up each entree from the moment you arrive. Second is the Men's (aka The Uncles) section, usually the household living room or basement - closest to where the food will be laid out buffet-style, but furthest from the kitchen. The third is the Kids (The-Annoying-Hyper-Brats) section that is either the whole of the upstairs floor (if there is one), concentrated in one child's room, or the whole of the basement (if The Uncles haven't made it their habitat first). The last subsection is usually the smallest and most ignored - The In-Betweeners. These are the not-kids-but-not-adults who really don't know they're place in the party. They're usually pre-teens and teens who don't want to hang out with the young kids and don't necessarily want to hang out with each other but somehow manage to congregate in one area in one of the previously mentioned subsections, or, if they are lucky enough, in front of TV somewhere tuned to something no one really wants to watch but won't decidedly change either.

So, now that you've got the setting down, imagine about 15 or so 30-to-50+ aged women who have this insane ability to start talking about some political issue in India and eventually, without fail end up on the topic of marriage. Who recently married, who will be getting married and who should be getting married. I landed myself smack in the middle of the latter category.

I've made it a point not to attend these parties as I got older. The kids of the family friends are mostly all grown up, away at school or we just are different people who do not get along anymore. My brother and I do make it a point to visit a select few homes who we've known since childhood and who are the ones we genuinely love (aren't they lucky?). So this is where I was. Sitting with The Aunties, making small talk with a newly immigrated bride (the hostess' sister's sister-in-law - i.e. Transitional Aunty) and minding my own business when my mind suddenly sprang to attention on the topic of potential suitors that Aunty S was looking at for her daughter, one year older than me. Then, all eyes turned to look at me. I pretended I was suddenly very interested in the purple embroidered cushion I was holding in my lap, but could feel the stares burning holes in me. Oh good God, here we go.

>>"Sooo, how about AKA here? How's school going? Almost done?"

>Oh no, a direct question. Which one said it? They're all looking at me sitting in this corner. Too late to escape to the bathroom. Can I pretend someone is calling me? No, they'll never fall for it. "It's going well, not done yet, I just started in September so about 3 years to go" I say, attempting to plaster a smile on my face.

>>"3 years? Wow, long time. We'll have to get you married before that! Ha ha ha! Girl's shouldn't wait too long. All the good boys will be taken. You're how old now? 23?

> Mommy, help. Please!? "Uh, no, I turned 24 in October"

People, I could feel the wave of shock spread through the room. It's was a somewhat muffled but collective *gasp*

Like so many other girls in the South Asian culture, I'm tired of being made to feel ancient and good only if I'm married. I do want the marriage and the family but I'm just doing it at a different pace than others. I think my own parents feel caught in the middle - they would prefer that I be married, but can't force the issue because they want me to finish school.

On the other hand, I don't want people to misunderstand my culture to think that it is some unrefined and orthodox way of thinking. I have never been discouraged from pursuing a higher form of education. Both my grandmothers were teachers - one even having a Master's in the Urdu language - though, in their time the system of education was different, where they would have started college around the age of 16.

Being born and raised in Canada has made it difficult for me and others who were also born/raised here to find a fine balance between the two, very clashing, cultures. Add a heavy dose of religion and you contribute more twists and turns to the tangle of knots. I know that no one has it easy, regardless of the form of background and upbringing you have, but most are apt to believe that there situation is more poignant than others only because they are living it and not just imagining themselves in another's shoes.

I've lost my train of thought...where was I? Ah, yes, trying to block the images of all the 'Aunties' staring at me in vain shock. What happened after that is a blur to me but I do remember one of my mom's nicer friends chiming in about how I had lots of time to get married and that girls in general were getting married later and later. Then she launched into a number of examples of girls who were becoming doctors, engineers, teachers or setting up their career in other jobs and not yet married. Which I believe then eventually lead into a conversation about which brand of basmati rice was better. At this point I had stopped holding my breath and was trying to get the ringing in my ears to stop so I'm not so sure...