Sunday, April 10, 2005
Standing in the A&P staring down at the selection of stirred yogort for the 11th straight minute I realize that it's not my indecisiveness that's making me stand there that long, it's that there are too many choices. I ran into the same problem while trying to pick out a shampoo - I think I went back about 2 times to change what I'd picked up. Then in the dairy aisle when trying to select the most health-conscious margarine. But when I finally picked up all my purchases and made it to the check-out counters, I was able to use this idea in a more deeper context. Maybe the reason why we find it harder to be happier and more satisfied these days is because we've got so many more choices to follow and mold our life from.

It's obvious that having some alternatives to a choice is good. But when we're faced with too many options we're either too wrapped up in what we should choose or whether we've made the wrong choice or even how we can do better. Choices we make from a restaurant menu or even in the shampoor aisle (I went with the no nonsense Pert Plus in the end) won't play any major role in how my life turns out, yet with all the different routes I can take it's no wonder why I find myself indecisive all the time. So you can only imagine the extent of my anxiety attacks when I'm faced with a major decision. Fear stricken and dazed I try to do the old pros vs cons bit but usually end up with an equal number of points. Sadly it's the lawyer in me that ends up debating each side and making a good case for both (I'm still trying to figure out if that's good or bad..)!

When narrowed down to more relevant things choices turn out to be more conflicting. If you're searching for a prospective husband or wife, you have many people to choose from - and thanks to online meeting places the choices keep growing. It's sad to say that people have turned into option A, B or C's but it seems that's what it's boiled down to. You compare notes on each person and choose the one you're most compatible with and go with them. If the cons out-number the pros then you move on. But it could be that the very idea of having different alternatives makes us not want to settle down as fast. We keep hoping for someone better or more of our ideal and know in the back of our mind that if one thing doesn't work out, another will.

Choices also seem to make us unsatisfied with what we already have. It's not enough that we have a large screen tv, but now you need a large screen, plasma, slim model t.v. because the boxy screen one just won't cut it anymore. I thought I was doing well enough with my simple mp3 player but now that iPod's are out and "in", I was told that I had to have one and a regular mp3 player wasnt as good. That's just our problem! We're rarely ever satisfied...we always want the next upgrade to our computers, we need to supe up our cars, and get the latest trend in whatever. Once we get that coveted item, we're off gazing at the next. Maybe if we didnt have the endless amount of choice, then we'd be fixated on what we do have and not feel unsatisfied and be more happy. I know that if there weren't a million different shampoo types out there, I wouldnt have the urge to buy 3 different products just to reassure myself that my original choice was the best (I only did that one time...and I figured out which one I like so it was sort of worth it in the end, dont you think? I am not obsessed with shampoo...really). Now I know it's seems silly to apply this rule to things because regardless people will always go after what they dont have. The bigger problem comes in when this rule is applied to people.

No matter how much I realize this, I still can't make a decision to save my life. Ironically, I think if I ever had to actually make a decision to save my life, i.e. if someone held me at gunpoint screaming "your money or your life" I may actually weigh out my options! I mean say his gun wasnt even loaded, or didnt go off...or someone arrived in time to save me and my money or I fought back and he ran away? Then I'd be alive and still with my money...right?

God help me...
5 Comments:
Blogger RandomLiterati said...
LOL If it's one person who can account for your indecisiveness its ME!!! Deciding where to go for lunch is NOT a hard decision to make lol but somehow I always ended up making them!

But you bring up an interesting point. I think almost no matter what choices we make, we'll almost always wonder "what if I had..." and those what ifs can be the WORST. We think one thing will make us happy by having it but as soon as we get it we realize its effects are either short-lived, or it just didn't cut it. We're just not satisfied with what we have and think having something else will make things better...but it doesn't. Will we ever be happy?! lol...I guess all we can do is pray that the decisions we make are the right ones and the most beneficial ones :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You know I was reading this really interesting magazine called "Scientific American: Mind" ... there was this article which basically described the dilemma you are having these days, that is, the Paradox of Choice. Why are we so unhappy despite the fact that we have so many choices? Common sense would tell us that we should be rather happy *because* we have all these choice in front of us, yet that isn't true.

So anyways, this article describes two different types of people, maximizers and satisficers. Maximizers are those that like to basically maximize the outcome of the choice they make, and so in front of a plethora of choices, will hold out till they are absolutely sure they have the right one. Sometimes maximizers won't even make a choice because of their high sensitivity to regret. They don't want to have to regret anything. Satisficers, by contrast, don't struggle with the choices they make and so are satisfied with their choice. They tend to be able to move on more easily and not worry about the choices they have already made and so have little or no regrets about them.

Evidently, with the abundance of choices in our lives, the world just isn't made for us maximizers :P... Anyways, to be honest, i think everyone has a little maximizer in them. Some more than others. But hey, here's something that works for me (most of the time)... when u'r stuck at a choice, just take 5 mins, and only 5 mins to think about it. Make the choice. And now for the important part: Never look back and think, what if!

ps. obviously for bigger decisions and if you are religious, do istikhara. Istikhara will definitely put your mind at ease. :)

Blogger AKA said...
I knew there had to be some sort of theory behind my indecisiveness...there's no way that I could be the only one dealing with this. Thank you Rehan for your comment! At least now I have a better title of being a "maximizer" than calling myslef "crazy girl who's confused in life and can't make decisions"...rolls off the tongue easier no?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think its also critical to be content with what you have. Once a decision is made, know that Gods will was involved and that he gives increase manifold to whom he wishes.
Personally, i have found that developing ones spritual side can help overcome the "second thoughts" that we experience when faced with many choices. I think those second thoughts come from a lack of inner peace. And lemme tell ya, A LOT of people out there lack inner peace. There are 3 pieces to the puzzle, mind body and soul. The soul being the most neglected now a days. Anywho...a few days ago, I saw this interesting bumper sticker, It said "NO GOD NO PEACE, KNOW GOD KNOW PEACE" And then i was reminded of the verse when paraphrased reads, "verily in the rememberance of the Lord does one find peace"
anywho ... I just hope i stayed on topic :)
i sometimes go off on tangents.

faisal.

Blogger Sarah said...
Khadeeja man.. there is a psych theory behind this!! Damn... whats it called?! The Cognitive Dissonance Theory: its when u aren't happy with the decision you made because no decision is completely maximally efficient and so you're never completely happy with the decision u make because u always think bout the choice u didnt choose. If that makes sense?