I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that I've started and stopped writing a post about five times in the last month. Certain things prompt me to want to start madly typing away every thought that enters my mind, but then the whole drive dies down and I end up deleting everything. Lately I've been lacking a lot of things, motivation being one. It's one of the manical-depressive moods you enter when one thing goes wrong and problems start snow balling into one giant headache you can't rid yourself of.

I would start to detail all of these issues but it's not only the fear of seeming like a lunatic, but being that vulnerable and sharing things with absolute strangers - or worse, the people you know well and see every day. Having them eye you in a different way than yesterday would just get my OCD back in action and I'd tear my mind up wondering what they're thinking about me. It's difficult to open yourself up to people. Some people do it very easily and casually - they'll spill the most horrid and embarrassing details about themseleves to anyone, anywhere. But then again you never know if they're being honest or just using a false front to cover up real issues bothering them. Ever wonder that? No matter how well you know someone, do you really know them well enough. There are some people out there, many who are good friends of mine, who I can't help but wonder if there's more to them than the shallowness that I encounter. I don't mean 'shallow' in its negative sense, but rather the lack of depth and substance some people bring to their conversations. I am sometimes afraid to bring up certain topics because I can't imagine that person having a decent answer so I keep decide to stick to the general small talk about music, movies, and the lighter side of life. But the truth is that they may be just like me and be bursting to delve into a meaningful topic with someone as I sometimes am. It's really rare that we find these people, but it just may be a good thing - a reason why they're even called a soulmate or kindred spirit - when you find them life just seems to make more sense around you; you're not as alone in your mind as you thought.

It's impossible to imagine what really goes on in another person's mind, and sometimes I'd prefer not to know. There are people who live two seperate lives - one as the nice family guy who's got a steady job, while his "business trips" are actually a life he leads with a whole other family (seriously now I read all these stories in Time magazine...). Or people who end up committing suicide when you couldn't possibly imagine that they had a trouble in the world - turns out they've been suffering from untreated depression for years and it finally got the better of them. Or neighbors who turn out to be serial killers. (I've been watching too much of Desperate Housewives). I guess it turns out that we don't want to know that much about everyone, but on the same note, it wouldn't be horrible to get more in touch with our friend who we think we know. You may just end up helping them with a problem you didnt know they had and find a kindred spirit of your own.


On a similar note, I know who my kindred spirit would be. Zach Braff. You know, that funny guy from the show "Scrubs" (which has now taken over the reigning spot of ER as my new obsessive and favorite show. Yes, I said it. Here I've written it and posted it for the world to see and take shock over...ok, so not so dramatic). Back to my new buddy Zach Braff. Ever since I've watched the movie "Garden State" I've just been so surprised at how some perpetual stranger can take so many of your own thoughts, write them out, get Natalie Portman to help you act it out, and win all sorts awards for the movie. He also won a Grammy for the amazing soundtrack that he arranged for the movie (which he wrote, directed, and starred in). He's really funny too, he's got a web blog that he posts on and it's cool to see a star like him seem so down to earth. And Scrubs is unbelievably funny and an amazing show...no one combines drama and comedy better.