I find I'm losing my patience these days. With people, things and myself. I have no idea why, but at times when I would drive myself insane trying to be nice and wait out a situation, I'm starting to snap earlier.

I'm a bit of a push over and people-pleaser (not the best traits for a soon-to-be lawyer to have) so I tend to bend over backwards to be nice to people and do what I can to keep them happy and avoid confrontation on all costs, even if this results as a disadvantage to me. Though the odd thing is that I'm quick to defend other people and do it well.

I envy those people who can say what they way, when they want, and to whom they want to say it to. I'm sure it gets them in trouble sometimes, but I think I'd rather live with saying what's on my mind, then have the horrible feeling of regret by not having said it at all. Whether it be telling a friend her haircut really does look bad on her (rather than making a lame attempt to make her feel better though she hates it), tell a manager that I'm not happy with something, or just tell off that customer service rep that I will not stand for their crappy service (DAMN YOU ROGERS!!!) - I want to be able to be honest with others and myself.

It would not only be a way for me to stick up for myself, but it would help me in the future when I'm trying to defend someone else in a case. And slowly, I'm starting to realize this and emerge from my shell. I don't think I've become rude or short, but I am understanding that there are moments when you have to speak up and make yourself understood.

I think work has brought it out in me. I was always one to shut my mouth whether a customer was yelling and swearing and frantically look over my shoulder for a manager to help me out. Though there were the odd moments where I would be firm, but never would I set them straight.

Today I had a client come in who I loathe. I mean there's people who come into the bank who annoy me, but I just dread seeing this man because of his pushy manner and because of my constant, but reluctant, giving in to his pushiness. So today he made another one of his demands as he waddled into my office, but I stopped him there and said that I'd no longer be able to serve him because his requests were not something I was able to do any long and he was welcome to take his business to someone else in the bank, or to another bank altogether. He was taken back a little, but then said a few mean things and got up left.

Ok - so it's not the most inspiring and applaud-worthy speech made by anyone and looking back I now remember other things I could've added, but the point is that I did it. I no longer have to dread his staunch presence in the bank. And if he does decide to show his face, I can look the other way without trying to hid behind a file cabinet.

The moral of the story? No clue. I'm sure there'll come a time when I say a little too much, but I know I'm getting better and hopefully will soon find a balance. Guess that's what growing up does to you - the more comfortable you become in your own skin, the more resolute you become.

My next task? Call up Rogers (a wireless/cable/phone/you-name-it monopoly of a corportation) and tell them that they will reverse those long distance charges on my cell phone bill that only came about because their damn home phone service didn't work for two weeks.

Wish me luck.