Now if I can't blatantly admit something on my own online journal, where else can I do it?

I think I have a bit of a shopping problem (I'll pause while some of you get over the "shock"). Yeah this admission was a long time coming, but now I'm putting it out there in attempts to possibly control this habit by publicly (verbally) flogging myself. I know many people, mainly guys, would say "that’s a typical girl for you", but in my frequent attempts to rid myself of the "typical girl" label, I’ve got to defend myself in saying that I did not pick up this habit in trying to copy other girls. Though I don’t know exactly where, when or how I got the shopping bug, I can say that it wasn’t to follow anyone else.

While admitting this however, I have to say, I’m really not that bad (*cough* denial *cough*). But really, compared to some of my coworkers and other to-remain-nameless-friends I don’t think I’m so over the edge that I need to cut up my credit cards and get the mall to have a restraining order slapped on me (though lowering my credit limits might help averting both dangers). I don’t go shopping every week or even every month and I’m a bargain hunter, though I will splurge time to time when it seems right (you get a little feeling in your heart when you see the right sweater).

But my problem comes with being an impulse shopper. Those damn knick-knacks by the checkout counter get me every time, as do the "buy on get one ½ off" deals (if that isn’t value, I don’t know what is). Plus the constant looming shadow of salespeople over me just adds pressure to the point that I’m afraid of them. Once they come at me with some product and start explaining how great it is, I get suckered into it and feel bad that they spent all that time explaining the whatchamacallit to me, so I buy it (meanwhile reminding myself to hang on to the receipt so I can return it). Not much hope for a future lawyer who gets talked down within 3 minutes hm?

Believe it or not I’ve gotten much better (like I said, believe it or not – it’s true). I’ve trained myself to turn and walk the other way when I see a salesperson coming, or, if they somehow do corner me, I’ve mastered the "thanks for your help, I’ll look around and come back" line – polite and to the point.

Funny part about all of this is that I am that salesperson. I have been for the past 6 years in every job I’ve had. Whether it be selling work wear, dishes, or accounts, I use those same scheming tactics to reel in a potential buyer. Told you it was funny. You’d think, being in that whole mindset, that I’d know better and understand the tricks of the trade. You’d think that wouldn’t you.

Damn eBay. Damn it and all the great deals. Now, not only do I have the pressure of being careful of what I buy in a store, but the same conflict stares at me from my PC. To bid, or not to bid. Nothing poetic about it. I’ve gotten some great things online at great prices, which I use so it’s not impractical spending. But the threat is there. Every time I search for something, or a seller I previously purchased something from emails me with new deals, I bite my nails to keep from clicking in just to browse around.

A lot of this was the old me – the more carefree credit-happy spender (hey, a lot of it was for family, I may be flighty with my money but at least it’s not all for me). In recent months I’ve smartened up and backed away from the sales signs and auction pages. It could be because I know how much I need to save up for law school, or that my 23rd birthday is coming up in exactly 10 days so the age is making me all the wiser. Or it could even be that "Shopaholic" book series that made me realize how bad it could get for some people.

Then again it may be simply that I just don’t have any more drawers to put things in...