I get bored a little too easily for my own good. I'm afraid that once I do get my own place, I'll end up redecorating every few months to keep me busy and to satisfy my urge to have something new and different all the time.
In light of all the things that will be changing in a few weeks, I decided I had the old blog format (which I constantly changed the background pictures of) needed a revamping too. So after much searching, and attempts at decisions, I settled for this new format. So far I'm ok with it. But obviously this isn't it - little tweaks here and there will always be made. And all the better for me because I'm learning HTML all by myself as I go along. Took me forever to move everything around...maybe I need a "HTML for dummies" book?
I know I've been an idiot (maybe a little worse than that but I'm going to stay away from profanity). Last week on the phone I was rude to you without intentionally doing it. I didn't mean for what I said to come out the way I said it. I was on the other line with someone, aruging, and so upset and still "in the moment" I switched over to you a lost, what I though I was maintaining fairly well, my cool.
I know you're only and always worried about my well-being, and for that I'm forever grateful to you. I've been so frustrated and at ends with myself lately, as the numbers on my countdown get smaller, that I've become irritable, and immersed in self-wallowing. You don't deserve to get the bad end of that though. And it's truly beyond me how I've been blessed witha friend like you. I sometimes think it's just so I can make myself a better person. And to make it worse I went a week without saying an apology. Probably, as always, afraid of confrontation, but more so because I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I know I've kept you upset for a week and that makes me feel worse.
I know this has been our sensitive point - me not saying what upsetting me, and then getting you upset. I never learn do I? But the miracle is that you've always stuck by me. And I know with your heart, you will continue to always do so (it sounds like I should be proposing to you about now doesn't it?). Regardless of what happens in 2 months from today, I'd be only good-fortuned if I can stay as close friends with you today and even three years from now.
I'm out to publicly embarrass myself with this apology on this blog because I very well know I deserve it. With any luck, you'll forgive me and we can continue what we once were. And you can talk me out of buying another purse of eBay.
Words of praise, with heavens name
This friendship I adore
And with it I have become so much more;
we stand through it all.
This sisterhood helps me to believe when
one of us sets astray,
The other is there to strengthen the way.
Hand and hand, we try to understnand.
As Muslims, we're strong, as we follow
Together we walk; and just so you know,
This sisterhood you see
Mean so very much to me!
(You wrote this for my birthday 3 years ago)
To my other friend, who I know doesn't read "blobs" I'm still going to apologize with every bit of my heart because you were there that night too and I know I've upset you too. I stick by what I said at your wedding - I'm truly blessed to be a part of your life as both a friend and a family member, and I hope you will be able to forgive me too. Since your not blog-wise, I'm going to make sure to call you and hopefully you can venture on to this site to see it in writing. Though I won't see you online at early/late hours of the morning/night anymore so we can have our half-sleepy insomniac chats, I'm going to make every effort to be there for you until I'm here, and then after.
"Maybe they wear one colour for each day of the week?" half questioningly, half joking quipped my co-worker today.
She's an all to innocent an naive woman - not very worldy or terribly cultured. So I let that one go. I did feel the colour in my cheeks flair up a bright red with anger and such a silly remark. But breathed out a sigh and went right back to drinking my Coke Zero.
The remark was made about Muslim women who wear the burqa - a conversation following the latest commotion involving 17 Ontario Muslim men suspected to be plotting an attack on Southern Ontario landmarks. When I came back to the lunch room today, a few other co-workers were already gathered chit-chatting, when the topic of today's Brampton courtroom hearning came up.
Apparently there was a big commotion down at the courtroom, where about 500 people - reporters, photographers, spectators included- showed up. Mind you, the courtroom actually seats about 20 people, so why these numbers arrived in droves is beyond me.
Many Muslim women also came, many of whom wear the burqa. The cloth covering that shows nothing but the eyes. As I came into work this afternoon, I was listening to the radio where a spectator that was at the courtroom recounted his tale of watching in surprise as many "obvious Muslims" were harrassed by reporters and photographers. Having microphones and cameras shoved in their faces, questions shouted, cameras flashed, and threats that they couldn't leave until their questions were answered. The man who was reporting this scene mentioned how he was not an "obvious Muslim" - he arrived in a business suit but was not questioned at all. But the women and men in more conservative, non-traditional clothing were flocked the moment they arrived, under the presumption that they were all relatives of the accused bunch.
I am frustrated and heartbroken. I can't swallow the fact that this is happening again; so close to home (right around the corner from me - the courtroom that is). I'm not getting into the politics of the situation itself. That's a whole other debacle that I wish I could shut my eyes to and make it go away.
I'm upset because of the backlash that inevitably follows such things. Even as I sat in the lunchroom today while some of my coworkers discussed this afternoons events, I felt a few pairs of eyes watching me intently - to see my reaction to what was being said. I didn't comply by looking upset, angry, or anything. I kept silent and read the paper in front of me (which contained further remarks about the last few days.
I don't know if I'm right to ignore it, or if I should be raising my voice, trying to aimlessly thrash my arms about so people will pay attention when I say that any such acts of violence are not a part of Islam. No one wants to hear that though. That doesn't make for good news.
But by ignoring it, the elephant in the room does not sulk away. People will still talk, rumours will still spread, assumptions will be made, and Irshad Manji will still be interviewed on TV as a good representative of the religion.
There are many who are taking the right approach though; making sure their voices are heard postively and trying find a patch of blue sky in the thick haze this media spectacle this case has become. I on the other hand am not that strong. I can't think of what action to take, if anything at all because I'm so frustrated.
Maybe I should stick to duking it out in a word-battle in the lunch room at work?